Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Restroom Etiquette cont.....

Another entry in the on going saga of Restroom Etiquette....

This just in guys.... When you are "taking care of business," be it at the urinal or in the stall, it should not sound like you are working out. Unless, of course, you are actually lifting weights or something of that nature. Defecation, to be sure, is a time for quiet reflection. Obviously, there may be some snap, crackle or pop, from your instrument. However, there should not and I repeat should not be any grunting, straining or heavy breathing. If you are in the crapper and it sound like you are trying to bench 250, then there is a problem. If you have to make all that noise just to drop a terd, then I recommend you pay a visit to the doctor. Maybe, you should change up your diet. Or, I hear that fiber is a many splendored thing for the digestive tract. Finally, if none of the above works, then find a private toilet and feel free to make all the noise that you like.

Last, but not least.... I would like to address boogers and the bathroom. Gentlemen, and I use the term loosely. How is it that you are sitting on the toilet next to two rolls of toilet paper, but you find it necessary to wipe boogers on the walls of the stall??? God forbid you wipe that big ole green booger on a piece of toilet paper and drop it in the toilet where it belongs. As bad as that is... it gets worse.., if not slightly more humorous. There are boogers ,on the wall in front of the urinals, as well.

I say this with all sincerity and with complete confidence in my heterosexuality... I would pay to have a picture of the Neanderthal that is standing at the urinal, with his Johnson in one hand and a finger on the other hand up his nose. I would send that picture to MasterCard and tell them that that is priceless.

Flatulent Fuzz


Terry Morris said...

I want to ask you a question, restroom etiquette notwithstanding:

Dad and his "significant other" recently paid me an unannounced visit at my home, a visit in which Dad and I engaged a political conversation having to do with who we'd vote for in the upcoming presidential election. I said, firmly, that I couldn't, in good conscience, vote for John McCain, to which Dad replied that John McCain was the only of the two viable candidates which he could, in good conscience, vote for.

Which of us is right?

Flatulent Fuzz said...

I heard about that visit. And I must confess, that I would pay top dollar to see a picture of said "signifcant other" on the back of that hog!!

As for the election, I will not be voting for John McCain. There was a time, when I thought that he might be a competent leader. However, I have since come to see the light. He's as full a crap as they come! Not to mention, he hasn't even been able to competently run his campaign. How can we expect someone who can't run a campaign, to be able to run the country.

Terry Morris said...


Yes, McCain is a bungling fool, not to mention an open-borders (particularly our Southern) fanatic who lied about his position on immigration when the truth sounded better to get the Republican nomination, then turned right around and recanted it once secured. So I guess he's an habitual liar too.

As one of my commenters at my blog recently said, I'd be throwing away my vote if I allowed either party to dictate for me who I'm relegated to voting for. And I agreed.

I won't be voting for either candidate come November.

Flatulent Fuzz said...

I'm thinking about casting my vote for ol Flatulent Fuzz!! That way, I can say I voted.

Terry Morris said...

Well, I'm still going to be voting in the Congressional elections, state and federal.

I'm not sure whether our (OK's) ballots accomodate write-ins for President. If not, and if there's not a third party candidate on the ballot that I like, then I'll just leave that section blank.

Terry Morris said...

P.S. Attention GOP: I am by no means alone!!!